A Broken Arm + A Wreck of a Mommy

IMG_7609.JPG

Goodness friends. The past coupled days have been a challenge, to say the least.

Our sweet boy fell on Sunday night. He was in his room playing, fell off of a chair and broke his arm. While I literally cannot get into specific details because I am still a mess about it, all I know is that it was bad. It is nothing I ever want to experience again or have my babies experience.

Thank Goodness my husband had some sort of brains in the moment, because he automatically loaded him up in the car and drove him straight to the ER. I on the other hand was a disaster, couldn’t think straight and ran around the house in a panic. Not knowing what to do or what was happening. I quickly got my girls dressed and ran out the door to only realize that we only have one car, and I had no way of getting to the hospital. On top of that, we had no car seats because they were all in our one car.

Thank goodness our sweet neighbor, whom we just met, was pulling into his garage. I flagged him down in a panic and he jumped out of the car to help us. He saw my husband leaving and knew what was going on. He calmed all of us girls down and got us into his truck and drove us straight to the hospital.

We ran in to the hospital, they walked us back to him and seeing him on the bed like that was a nightmare. They told us the girls had to go in the waiting room and I remember literally saying GO, just go! Telling my 10 year old to pull it together and take the girls into the waiting room. (Poor, Brooklynn).

We had no one. No help, no family close by that we could call, and no friends who were near. I didn’t even know what to do. Some man in a leather jacket walked up to me, grabbed my hand and said I’ve got them, mom. And that’s it. I saw him walk my babies into the waiting room and I just trusted. (He was a volunteer at the hospital I later found out, THANK GOD).

The doctor told me they were giving him pain meds and then sedating him so they could set it. They did x-rays, set his arm and more x-rays after.

We had to wait for the ortho to sign off on it and let us know if he needed surgery or not. Thankfully, they sent us home with just a plan to consult later this week.

That night was ROUGH and the next day we spent the day trying to manage the pain which was hard. And manage my panic and anxiety.

I felt guilty. I still do. The thoughts kept running through my head…(plus some)

  • It’s my fault

  • I should have been watching him closer

  • I’m a bad mom

  • I am not equipped to be a mother of 4 kids

  • How is this my life? How am I a mom? I am not mature enough for this!

This incident triggers all sorts of fears and anxieties in me personally because I dealt with a lot of injuries myself, growing up. I have always have major anxieties with my kids and injuries. I can’t watch sports. I have held them back from doing so many activities because I just cant shake the fear and anxiety.

So here I am, trying to keep everyone together, calm, manage his pain, deal with medical bills already and literally won’t even leave my kids in a room alone for fear of another accident.

I knew I needed help, so I called my doctor for the first time and said, I can’t do this alone. I need help coping. My anxiety is debilitating right now and I need to cope better to be there for my family.

This was hard for me. I am a natural, oil loving, hippie. I do not like medicine, I do not like any unnecessary intervention and I literally don’t take anything for me personally. So to ask for help, to ask for a freaking pill to calm my nerves and panic was HARD.

My doctor was incredible. He spoke with me over the phone directly (thank goodness for a direct care doctor - we pay a monthly membership for) and he walked me through what I needed and how we can create a long term plan later, but short term, he agreed that it was OK to take something for right now. (And let me tell you, it helped SO much).

So 3 days later, we are calmer, managing pain, managing anxiety and just getting through this day by day. I keep reminding myself that “it is just an arm” and thanking the Lord that it was only his arm. Families deal with issues much worse and while I don’t want to make our experience unimportant or smaller than it was, I also want to continue to remind myself that he is alive, healthy and still with us.

This was freaking hard. So freaking hard.

So keep praying for us, please. My heart goes out to you mamas who are dealing with this, who have dealt with something like this in the past and those who are dealing with way more than this. Ugh, being a mother is HARD.

Keep us in your prayers for the medical bills side too. We do not have insurance so all of this will be cash pay and the bills are getting extremely high already. But I know the Lord will provide. He always does. I am not sure how. I am not sure when. But my baby is ok. And that’s all that matters.

Thanks for being a part of our lives, mamas.