Motherhood is full of so many ups and downs. I honestly love motherhood more than anything in the world. I love every stage so far from newborn to my oldest who is 9. I feel honored to be able to wake up with them every day and lay them down each night. But there are so many aspects to motherhood that can leave a momma down at the end of the day.
Today was one of those days for me. It was hard. The kids were fine, the baby was great, my husband even had the day off. My focus was not where it should have been and honestly, I was just really tired. But accepting all the changes my body is going through is hard. I always have a hard time during the breastfeeding season. I am uncontrollably hungry and I am always heavier then normal. I feel self conscious when I eat because I am heaver then normal, but I can't withhold food because it will negatively effect my milk supply. And at the end of the day, my job is to feed my baby. So I am stuck in this weird season of COMPLETE sacrifice.
Why do I feel like this during the postpartum season and not pregnancy? Because at least when I am pregnant, there is an obvious reason why my tummy is sticking out. Or if I am eating a lot, its sort of "accepted". Yes, its known that breastfeeding moms need good nutrition too, but it still makes me very self conscious! On top of that, I CRAVE sugar. I definitely watch how much sugar I eat and make sure I am eating healthy for the most part, but I still want it! It's really hard for me.
My clothes don't fit, my body looks different and I have to nurse the baby which makes clothing even harder to find. (Can you tell how frustrated I was today?) But then I started reading a new book I just got, "Treasuring Christ When Your Hands Are Full" by Gloria Furman. Man, does God meet you right where you are. I thought getting my mind off myself and into a book would help me feel a little less full of discontent. And this totally did that.
In the book she says...
"We tend to forget about tomorrow and eternity when our day is filled with the tyranny of the urgent. Do you ever feel like that ball in the arcade game that ricochets off the walls? We supervise homework while diverting toddlers from swishing their arms in the toilet. We hand down verdicts in Mother's Court about whose toy it really is. We try not to forget to switch out the laundry to the dryer so we can have clean clothes to wear tomorrow. No wonder we struggle to remember what we did this morning, much less keep an eternal perspective. When we have eternity in view, we respond to motherhood differently than if we lived just for the moment. "
I am guilty of getting sucked in the mundane, the unimportant details, the stresses of nothing. Today I did just that. I am uncomfortable, my body doesn't feel good, and I am insecure. But tonight I cooked my family dinner, I nursed my baby, I gave my kids a bath and I tucked all of them in bed. I gave them goodnight kisses and thanked God that he blessed me with these precious kids and the ability to be here for them day in and day out. And I know that I will be a sad mommy when I am not nursing a baby anymore. So I will love on my baby a little more tonight and give myself some grace. Because I am human, and its ok to be upset that my body isn't my body anymore. But I will not allow it to steal my joy.
As far as putting clothes on my body, these few picks help me feel more comfortable and makes nursing SO much easier! The Blanqi postpartum leggings are literally a daily staple and I am loving this dolman from Pink Blush. All items are linked at the top of the page!