When your doctor fails you...
With our due date approaching, we have been enjoying some incredible Hypnobirthing sessions to help better prepare us for this delivery. We want a natural, stress free and drug free birth. Why are we doing this with baby number 4? Shouldn't we be pros by now? The answer is no, we aren't. Because each delivery is different. But we learned some very hard lessons from our delivery with Mia.
With my first two births, I had an incredible doctor. He was kind, gentle, sweet, caring and you could tell that he genuinely loved his job. He trusted my body, he praised me for being a young mom, he encouraged me but most of all, he supported my choices and kept me and the babies safe. I never felt stressed or pressured. He never unnecessarily intervened, he never was rude or disrespectful. He was incredible.
When I became pregnant with Mia, I learned that he was no longer practicing due to a medical condition. I was heartbroken. I trusted him from my very first pregnancy (when I was 19) and he set the bar very high for standard of care. But I was reassured that his "replacement" was just as good.
Boy, were they wrong.
Within the first few appointments, the new doctor began pushing for some things we didn't feel comfortable with. We communicated to her that is not how we would prefer to care for my body or this pregnancy, and felt we should find a better fit that was more "hands off". She reassured us that she was fine with anything natural. That she would support our birth and our wishes, as long as there was no medical reason to intervene. With some reluctance, we agreed to continue care with her. We assumed it would be too stressful to switch doctors mid pregnancy and I had already delivered at that hospital 2 times before. Fast forward to the birth, and she was a nightmare.
We had communicated that we wanted to go into labor naturally (if possible), we didn't want an IV, pitocin, to be constantly monitored and we wanted to labor with out pain medication. She reassured us that she was ok with the "hippie" stuff. That it was our birth. And she would be there to make sure nothing went wrong.
On my due date, she wanted to induce me. Rather than waiting a week, or a few days, she felt it was best to bring me in and "try" the gel induction. If it didn't work, I could go home...thats what she told us. But that's not what happened. From that point on, she just pushed and pushed until we gave in. It was horrible. The gel didn't work, they forced me to lay in bed and not walk around, I was monitored non stop, they did an IV immediately. They administered Pitocin without consent and kept bumping it up. She checked my cervix more times then I can even remember. Each time, more excruciating then the last time. After checking me each time, she was negative and discouraging by telling me that I was "only at a 3" or "only at a 5" and this was taking too long. That I was on the clock now and needed to progress quicker. I was beyond stressed. Which meant my body was literally halting my labor. SHE was the one slowing my labor down by stressing me out, creating an unsafe birthing environment and trying to rush the process when my body was not ready in the first place.
After 9 hours of trying to labor with out pain medication, I was only at 6 and my body was holding the baby in. I felt it stopping labor. So I reluctantly opted for the Epidural, because I knew it would only get more complicated from that point on if we didn't do something. 15 minutes later, Mia was born.
Was the day hard? YES. Was my doctor horrible? YES. But was her birth magical? YES. I don't look back on her birth as a negative day. But I do still have some PTSD from it, to be honest. Especially approaching another day where I will birth my 4th.
Why am I sharing this? Because I want moms to know they have a choice. And this is NOT the standard of care that we should accept. Doctors shouldn't treat patients that way, especially when they are birthing their baby. But I am thankful to have chosen a better birth team, more in line with our wishes. Ill be sharing that a more next week in detail.
What was your birth experience like? Did you feel rushed or pressured? Did they respect your wishes?